As I mentioned in my last post, I recently got married. My wedding day was more wonderful than I could have possibly dreamed. My groom was handsome. The ceremony was perfect. The dance floor was hopping all night. And best of all for this ISTJ, it all ran on time!
I imagine that most wedding planners loathe working with ISTJ brides. We are meticulous, detail-oriented, at times demanding, and often cannot relinquish control. I’m not entirely sure why, but I took the opposite approach for this wedding (probably due to watching and learning from episodes of Bridezilla). Don’t get me wrong, I paid significant attention to some details such as having an artist design our monogram which appeared often in the wedding details, managing vendor bills, etc. But when it came to the worrying part, I just didn’t think it was necessary.
The day of the rehearsal dinner my friends and family helped me set up the ceremony and reception areas, and when people would ask how I wanted something I often responded “Whatever you think is best…” I think that may have shocked a few of my family members who are not used to me delegating work. I made a point of approaching this wedding with a “it will be perfect no matter what” perspective. No one will remember how you folded the napkins except for you, so don’t stress about it.
I actively suppressed my natural personality preferences, and I believe that made my wedding day so much more enjoyable. On the wedding day itself, I hit the snooze button a few times so I could just lay in bed and enjoy the moment (which I never do). I put the cell phone and laptop away and chatted with my bridesmaids. I didn’t give any instructions to my hair stylist or makeup artist (and they did an AMAZING job). I never even checked my watch. It was truly a different experience for me. And what was even more amazing is that everything ran on time. BONUS!!!
Now, I realize I’m painting an almost unbelievably perfect picture of my wedding and how I overcame my personality preferences to be a stress-free bride….but that’s only half of the story.
The month before the wedding, I was a mess inside. I often laughed at how textbook my behaviors were for being In The Grip. The more I focused on details (like the 7 spreadsheets I used to track every vendor activity) the more I lost grip with day-to-day life.
I forgot my credit card at a restaurant, and realized it the next day as I was on the way to get my hair done (my credit card is my LIFE…I don’t carry cash or checks). Then, on the way to retrieve my credit card, I lost my Blackberry. Then the next day, I picked up my prescription at Target, and then lost the bottle of pills inside the store as I continued shopping. All of that happened within 48 hours. My soon-to-be husband started checking to make sure I had all of my personal belongings before I left any location!
I joked that I should just have big orange cones and caution tape wrapped around me until after the wedding. I was a walking disaster, and I knew it. One of the most difficult experiences for an ISTJ who is in the grip is losing grasp on details. We pride ourselves on being on top of everything. It is painful to acknowledge that we cannot do it all.
The next challenge for me was my introversion. We had family travel as far as Canada to attend our wedding, so there were many pre-wedding social activities that drained my introverted batteries. I had planned to go to bed early the days before the wedding and not be worried about offending someone. I knew I needed to reserve my energy for the wedding day, and I didn’t want to get burned out too early.
It turned out I didn’t need to skip out on any social activities. I was up until 3am the 2 nights before the wedding chatting with family and my bridesmaids, and the night of the wedding itself we ended up partying with friends in the hotel until 3am. At the end of the night, my husband (an ENTP) said “Wow, I can’t believe you’ve hung in there this whole time. Usually you’re ready to be alone by now.” I was surprised too. I surprised myself again when I invited our out-of-town guests to dinner at my house the next night so their daughter could go trick-or-treating in my neighborhood. Was that possible? How could I still have energy left? But, I did!
And then on Monday, the whole world crashed down on me. You know when your cell phone battery is about to die, and the light starts flashing red and it beeps every few seconds? I felt like that except the beep was more like “aaaaooooooooooga aaaooooooooga!!!” I had planned to go back to work on Monday (foolishly) and even the thought of responding to emails sounded exhausting! I ended up taking the next 2 days to be alone, clean, organize, and write my thank you notes. It was exactly what I needed.
Soon, I was back to my normal self, and I can proudly say I haven’t lost my credit card or Blackberry since then!
The moral to the story (and very long blog post) is that when life situations bring out the worst of your personality, sometimes you have to force yourself to flex your type and change your way of thinking. Accept when you are In the Grip, trust that your loved ones will help if you ask them, and start counting down the days until the honeymoon!
I’d love to hear how you handled pre-wedding stress and how your personality type influenced your perspective. What did you learn about yourself in the process?
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BreCakes 